Boondoggle

+To try to be a little nicer.

+Be more understanding.

+Pay more attention.

+Stop being selfish.

+You can not no matter how hard you try…change the past.

+Accept the truth, don’t go against it, or even question it.

+Stay away from all people.

+Don’t trust it merely leads to pain.

+Just smile.

I shall use this as my blog post today. I ask YOU, if you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self?

~KellyBob Signing Out.

WISH ME LUCK ON SLEEPING. xD

True…so true.

If Weird Al were here to sing me to sleep this would be going differently, anyways good night.

Sleep well.

~KellyBob Signing Out.

Day 30- Who are you?

I should get this over with since it was supposed to be done today. Yet I do not want this to be over wah.

My Name is Kelly. I go by KellyBob trying not to be like everyone else. Yet I am like everyone else just the same. My shoes never match and I wear my star wristband so much that I now have an odd tan line when I take it off…Yet I have some good points, I don’t believe in drugs and alcohol. I know they exist but they are not for me. I have seen the effects of ruining people and even families and I refuse to follow. I am one that is fighting my fate and faith at the same time. I used to know exactly what I wanted from life and who existed. Yet after many events happening I have learned to embrace life as it it is and not what it could be. I try to be positive about everything since I want things to go well. I know there is always a way out. I try never to talk about anyone behind their backs by saying it to their face or keeping it to myself {yeah right}. I have made more mistakes then most yet I try to repair them. I strive for forgiveness even if I don’t give it out very often. I demand respect yet hardy give it. I want to see into the future and see if everything is worth it even if right now is so amazing that I hardy frown. I love to go to bed smiling. I feel sometimes that I should have been male since I hate make up/dresses and such. I love red since it reminds me of blood and I am a very sick person that loves pain. However I hate to cause it. I feel that it is my job in life to help everyone that needs it no matter how many secrets I must hold. I have a family that can be both shallow and way too loving almost crushing. I have never wanted to get married yet right now and always I love my “husband.” I hate secrets, even if I used to have alot of my own and live in the shadows, now they merely drive me crazy, I feel that almost no one understands me, as teenager as that may sound. I would like to work with books since that is the only thing that I am good at reading and remembering the novels. I hate coffee yet I make it. I feel alone even when people are in the room. I hardy sleep since my thoughts keep me up. I watch old VHS Disney movies {old school I know I love it} to try to fall asleep. I love tea. I believe in like at first site, since I think love grows. I believe in hope not peace, since this world has gone to hell. I believe in poetry. Yet I can only write good poetry when really depressed and my poems hurt people meaning I try to keep them to my self.

My name is Kelly. Just an new adult trying to prevent mistakes and be happy while making others happy at the same time {which is a task in it’s self}. I want to be know as someone who has made some sort of difference no matter how small.

I am a person that is sad that this challenge is over. It was fun and it has helped.

Challenge, finshed.

Fin.

~KellyBob Signing Off.

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned:

1. I have learned that I try to hard to be perfect, that failing means “Hey I get to try again.”

2. I have learned that no matter what some people just won’t like you.

3. I have learned that I have changed.

4. I have learned that I no longer want to die really earlier.

5. I have learned that I no longer truly care how clean my room is anymore.

6. I have learned that I can smile for real now. That crying is not a weakness.

7. I have learned that I am not as smart as I wish I could be.

8. I have learned that I am mean to people without even knowing it, I am working on this.

9. I have learned that I am a boring person, that my likes and dislikes really never change.

10. I have learned that I keep my work no matter what or how long it takes.

11. I have learned that I won’t understand every one.

12. I have learned that even if someone may say one thing they may mean something else. That people say certain things to give you a hint or say something else to try not too “hurt you”.

13. I have learned that I still need to work on getting my moods in check, that I need to control them and what I say.

14. I have learned that some people will be there for me until the end.

15. I have learned that no matter what I will always remain the same and stay true to myself. That some people will dislike me and not accept me and I find that to be perfectly okay.

16. I have learned that I will get rejected, and I can handle it.

17. I have learned that I love doing this blog. It has helped me honestly. I will miss it.

18. That I really truly want to make friends with someone that people would find odd because they would think that it would hurt me.

19. That I truly miss my brothers/sisters/Kelly.

20. I am KellyBob Lu-Ann Stayart and I will always stay that way. I may be slow at times but I will catch on and do my best.

~KellyBob Signing Out.

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Last Year:

Now:

Changed:

+ I have changed in multiple ways sadly.

+Let’s start in appearance.

+I wear contacts, when I feel like it.

+Mostly will be seen in my uniform.

+Since I have a job.

+No more High School D-;

+I trust less.

+I cry easier.

+I talk on the phone.

+Now whenever I see someone commit suicide in a movie it makes my mind go completely blank.

+I don’t eat as much, I just don’t feel hungry.

+I no longer ask for rides. I almost always try to get there by bike.

+I second guess myself more then ever.

+My memory seems to be getting worse.

+I am happier then I have ever been.

+I believe in love. There is someone out there for everyone.

+It feels weird being alone now.

+I am now set on living here for a while.

+I am addicted to being with my best friend, which has never happened to me before I normally don’t get that close to people.

+I apologize now. xD

+Meaning I think I am growing a heart.

I hope these are for the better. We all change. It happens when you don’t even freaken know it. I am still the same odd person that is addicted to Dr. Pepper, FMA, Friendship, helping people…and such. My shoes still hardly match. I still wear amazing hats. I still smile always. I am still short, sadly. I am still KellyBob. ^_^

Here is to the future, break a leg friends.

~KellyBob Signing Out.

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge:

1. To sort out my thoughts.

2. It sounded like fun.

3. It’s nice writing you figure out so much you didn’t know. I kinda love it.

4. Then I get to have a real reason to write and it was a challenge to do them on time.

5. Too let people get to know me a little if they want to.

6. So I see what is important. 

7. To leave the past behind, to move on.

~KellyBob Signing Off.

Day 26- What you think about your friends:

Well to become my friend it takes a whole heck of time and tests, meaning if you are my friend I love you for sticking with me. My friends get me through the toughest things, some without even knowing it.

I love how Kelly dealt with me and moving all the time. She said she would always be my friend no matter what and was not scared of my chaotic home. She is one amazing person. We keep out of the sad things and stick to Kelly Power. I care for her she cares for me. She never starts any drama, we have never even fought. She remembers the good times. Thank you for being there you are amazing. Kelly needs realize how truly smart she is and stop being lazy. xD

Michael helped me through deaths, sadness, depression, school and everything else possible. He saw through my walls and was nice to me even when I was not even nice to him. He let me help him which in return made me felt like I was making a difference. He was there when everyone else had their backs turned to me. He tries so hard to understand. I trust him with my life. I would be lost without him. I love this guy. Thank you for putting up with me, you make me feel like there is hope for humans and hope in general. You will get all you’re trust back. Since you never give up. IT is WORTH it. You are worth it. You need to see this. You understand me. Yet do you understand yourself?

My friends are my life. That is what I think of them. They help me. I will always be there for them no matter how far I live or what problem they have. I am there.

I love you guys. KthanksBye.

~KellyBob Signing Out.

Day 25- What I would find in your bag:

Depends if you were talking about just Normal or Work.

Normal:

+Wallet.

+Hand sanitizer.

+Chapstick Carmex.

+House keys.

+Kleenex.

+Note Book with pen. {You just never know. I write.}

+Batteries, with or without my camera.

+A cup of some sort normally Target.

Work:

+Wallet.

+Hand sanitizer.

+Chapstick Carmex.

+House keys.

+Kleenex.

+Note Book with pen.

+Batteries, with or without my camera.

+A cup of some sort normally Taco Bell.

+Starbucks Apron with name tag.

+Starbucks training books.

That is it, I’m boring and don’t truly need much.

~KellyBob Signing Out.

Dear People That I Wouldn’t Even Consider My Parents,

Hi. I suppose you tried your best but honestly it was not good enough. Mother you give up and gave in. You abandoned you’re own flesh and blood when it used to be first to you. Which when I was afraid of being left behind or even forgotten, thanks for helping reinforce that. You gave into many things that I will not go into, you simply gave up. I know it had to be hard. I suppose I forgive you. Yet my heart is closed to you and some of me will never let you back in. I can not and will never trust you. You do not deserve it. Father my gosh I don’t know where to start, why can’t you learn from you’re mistakes? Stop picking women like mother. Stop going off on rampages. Take care of my brother.

That is all I care to say online.

~Kelly Your harsh yet truthful Daughter.

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot:

Yo, KellyBob here. I do not crave many things,

+Seeing my Best Friend Daily at least.

+Dr. Pepper {soda}

+Some Fast food such as, Orange Chicken, Meatball Subs, or Taco Bell.

+Going back to my home town.

+Being understood.

Yep that is it.

~KellyBob Signing Out.

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else:

Since I am lame and feel like cheating here are thoughts from the peanut gallery, well more like facebook but whatever.

Michael says: “Your voice.”

Nana says: “You walk at the beat of a different drum. You have a lovely personality, you don’t dress like everyone else, you do what you need to regardless of what others think.”

Sam says: “You aren’t a sheep. You don’t follow the crowds. I like it. There are two kinds of people in this world. Sheep and Goats.”

Courtney Kucera says: “You are friendly to everyone!”

Joe Ellis says: “Your DNA.”

Kelley Stillman says: “You unbelievable sense of compassion and understanding for those who may be misunderstood and forgiveness…I’ll never forget that paper you wrote about my bro, amazing :-)”

Now I shall reflect on the statements.

-Yes, I have a rather different {in kind words} voice. Most would call it annoying. Others would call it ‘cute’. It is a nice quiet voice which I make louder to make sure I am heard. I grew up with 2 older sisters and 2 younger brother if you wanted to be heard you needed to speak up. I hate when people do not pay attention to me or forget that I am there. Making me very loud over the years.

-Yes, I wear odd clothing such as my hats and shoes. I like to get things done and let NO ONE stand in my way. My personality is rather odd and not lovely at all xD

-No, I am not friendly to everyone. It was nice of her to say yet it is not true. I have many tests to even get to the “nice” part of me. I am a very harsh person. I am still working on this to this day.

-Yay for DNA.

-I do have an odd sense of compassion and understanding. If you need me no matter who you are I will try to help you and most likely I will understand the problem since I have been to hell and back. I try very hard to use my logical thinking to understand people, well humans in general.

-As for forgiveness, no I am horrible at forgiving people. Truthfully I don’t do it very often. Second chances are very very rare for me. I have learned that when people do certain things once they will repeat their actions. Yet, I am working on forgiveness as well.

{Thank you guys for the comments ^_^}

From my mind:

= In relationships, never wanted one. I know weird huh? Everyone played house as a kid right? Me, not really I was taking off heads and replacing eyes. If one ever happens. I only want one. I don’t want any other “test runs”.

= Friends are the most important to me. If you are considered my friend…I love and treasure you. I value it above all else.

= I try very hard to stay positive about everything. I have been told many times that I should become a counselor. Since, I love to help people.

= I love history, even if just about everyone else finds it useless.

= Did not in any way believe in any sort of love until I moved here.

= I want to make some sort of difference in this horrible world.

=I really do like to make people smile.

{In all reality I am just another imperfect human being trying to live in this world.}

~KellyBob Signing Off.