Sometimes I wish I could just forget certain memories or people yet we are connected in this ‘big circle of life.’ If I in fact deleted one person from my memory I would not remember so many wonderful people that make my life grand.
The person I wish to delete may have fucked up my life and made me who I am today, yet this person led me to other people much better then they could have ever been. Maybe hate and grudges are useless. Maybe I should just forgive and remember that I have so much. I do have more then I ever wanted.
However I will hold onto my grudges, I need them to remember how truly idiotic I can be. Just because someone looks you in the eyes and says they love you does not mean anything. See them prove it. Trust once lost truly can never be regained. This is what this person taught me. I forgive them for their misdeeds. They never wanted this mess to happen, yet it did and they will hold it with them for the rest of their gloomy life.
I am happy. I still may randomly cry when a thought creeps through the cracks of my rebuilt walls. The cement is not yet dry. It will dry. I will no longer cry. You are not worth my tears. You never deserved my love. You never deserved to have what you took. Stay on the other side, never look back.
I have moved on.
"Did you tell them we were dating? You could have just said we were friends, I would have been fine with that."
"Don’t be ridiculous, of course I told them you’re my girlfriend."
"Haha, why wouldn’t I?"
Because the only other person I loved was always referring to me as their “Best Friend” when they didn’t even treat me like a friend. They were ashamed. I am used to secrets and lies.